I am a worrier and a perfectionist; ever since I was a child
my default position when things don’t quite go to plan is to panic. I have
always been someone who likes to be in control so when things go downhill my
stress levels go up! I guess you could say at times I am not exactly brilliant
at demonstrating grace under pressure, and yet despite my persistent desire to
be in control of my surroundings for some (at times unfathomable) reason I
decided that moving to Vietnam, a place that much more often resembles complete
chaos than calm and serenity, would be a good idea.
I remember not six months ago heading off to Sydney alone
for an appointment and finding the whole experience of understanding and
navigating the transport system in an unfamiliar city somewhat overwhelming. I
got flustered deciphering train timetables and sat timidly on buses peering
constantly at the nearest street sign to ensure I didn’t miss my stop. I wasn’t
a complete mess, but I certainly lacked confidence in my own abilities to
handle a new situation and was probably not the most pleasant person to
interact with at times during the experience. Looking back on that day and
comparing it to the day I have just had was a moment that made me realise one
of the ways in which I have really grown in the past three months…
My morning began at about 7am as I dragged myself out of bed
on the last day of my week off and packed up my things ready to head to Danang
airport. About 9am I arrived at the airport and grabbed some overpriced
breakfast before heading to the check in counter for my flight back to Hanoi.
Had all gone to plan I would have arrived in Hanoi just after lunchtime and
jumped on a train back to Nam Dinh arriving back at the school by dinner time.
However what I didn’t realise as I checked my bags was that this was the
beginning of a very long day; As I checked my luggage the staff member at the
counter informed me that the flight had been delayed until 12.35pm-
frustrating? Sure, but not too bad really. I headed inside the terminal and
settled down for a longer wait than planned. As the clock drew closer to the
revised boarding time however a muffled announcement came over the loud
speaker in broken English informing passengers that the flight was now delayed
‘indefinitely’ due to unspecified ‘technical difficulties’.
Fast forward six hours, a lunch of cold noodles and Pringles
and a whole lot of sitting around, and eventually at 6pm the flight was
ready for boarding and soon after we were taxiing down the runway
bound for Hanoi. I thought at this stage in the evening the difficulties
were coming to a close but unfortunately my day was not quite over yet.
Once the flight arrived in Hanoi I made my way outside to
find the shuttle bus and climbed aboard. The journey itself was uneventfully
spent chatting with another traveller but once the bus reached its final
destination I realised that the drop off point for this particular bus was
south of Hoan Kiem Lake and the hostel where I planned to spend the night was
about a four or five kilometre hike north. I headed north alongside a fellow
traveller from the UK and using street signs, landmarks, a map and a smattering
of conversations using my very poor Vietnamese I was able to confidently and
successfully navigate my way to the lake and even give the other traveller directions
to his hotel and direct him to sights worth checking out nearby. Once I said
goodbye I continued my ‘trek’ to the Hanoi Backpackers Hostel (with almost
15kgs of luggage, the usually pleasant walk grew into something of a
challenge). Eventually at 9pm I stumbled into the hostel and unceremoniously
dumped my bag on the ground and checked in.
This day was not one that was ridiculously challenging or
chaotic and while frustrating and inconvenient nothing went terribly wrong.
Looking back at the day though I realised that six months ago a day such as
this would have left me a nervous wreck, yet today I was able to remain calm
and collected the entire time with not a single moment of panic. As I walked
through an unfamiliar part of a foreign city I realised that I possessed a
confidence that earlier this year was nowhere to be found. Despite the fact I
really had only a vague notion of where I was I was able to calmly assist my
companion and navigate my way home. Some of this confidence comes down to tangible
skills that I have developed such as reading maps and speaking a foreign
language (sort of) but underpinning this is a self-confidence and
self-assurance that has slowly emerged as I have immersed myself in a foreign
culture and done things I never imagined doing before.
No one completely changes in such a short time as three
months yet I know that after this experience I will never quite be the same
person I was before. The people I’ve met, the places I’ve been and the
experiences I’ve had will forever influence the way I see the world around me
and the way I perceive myself in it. When I first arrived in Hanoi in September
I couldn’t wait to leave for small town Nam Dinh- the noise and frantic pace
and a world of things I could not control left me frazzled and overwhelmed. Now
I look forward to my near weekly trips to Hanoi where I can explore and immerse
myself in the chaos and enjoy the gems and moments of joy that can be found. As
I sat in Danang airport waiting for my flight to leave I glanced up to witness
a perfect moment as the sun slipped behind the surrounding mountains painting
the sky in vibrant shades of pink and orange and realised that had my flight
not been delayed I never would have witnessed such a beautiful sight. Slowly
but surely I am learning to embrace the chaos, the seeming insanity that
endlessly drones on around me in this wonderful and vibrant nation. What once
was overwhelming is now a challenge to be overcome, and the moments of panic
are being replaced by the belief that each experience will be resolved one step
at a time. By letting go of the constant need for control I am slowly learning
the cornerstone of resilience and perseverance: the art of demonstrating grace
under pressure!
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